By: Cortney Barlow, LCSW, CHC
I recently got married in April 2022 and I must say, life has been different. Definitely different in a good way. When you get married your priorities shift drastically. You are no longer in this world alone, you now have a partner for life. When people ask me how do I feel about being married, I say, "it's like being boyfriend and girlfriend but with a sense of ownership." Ownership in a beautiful way. No matter what I look or feel like, my partner and I are ready and willing to do the work to withstand anything. I feel a sense of security and unconditional love.
Being married to my partner has changed my thinking, the way I carry myself, and my future. Before meeting my husband I was a party girl, going out every weekend and drinking. I wasn't making the best decisions and I sometimes found myself in compromising positions. Fast forward to meeting my partner, he was everything I was not used to. South Florida is a unique place, theres no where like in the world. Every week we have tourists visiting the city to celebrate their birthdays, holidays, or simply because it's Miami. So let's just say monogamy is not very common down here. I had gotten complacent with the fast lifestyle and honestly wasn't looking for a partner. When I met my husband he was visiting Miami from his hometown of Pittsburgh. From the beginning I knew he was different. He told me what he wanted and pursued it no matter what obstacle got in his way. He said what he meant and his actions spoke volumes. He told me after our second visit he wanted us to be official. He actually said, "if I am going to be spending all this money to see you we need to be boyfriend and girlfriend." I was shocked because I had never met someone be so forward. On our third visit, (we dated long distance for a year and a half) he told my friends he was going to marry me. At the time I thought it was kind of psycho lol, but he knew what he wanted. Now looking back that speaks volumes on the type of man I married. He is a good man so it makes me want to be better for him. I work on myself daily so I can be the best partner for him.
Marriage to me is a partnership, we are a team. If it's me and him against the world then so be it. (Alexa play: Bonnie & Clyde by Beyonce and Jay Z). I know that regardless of what are going through my partner will have my back. If I cook, he cleans and vice versa. We are a team, and as a team member everything I do impacts my team as a whole. So now I run everything past my team member. If I am lacking in something he picks up the slack and vice versa. Of course every couple has their issues but we work daily on communicating our feelings so it never escalates. The old Cortney when she was upset will scream and curse and sometimes say things to hit below the belt. With my husband I have so much respect, love, and admiration for him that I never want to do or say anything I will regret later. So if we are having a disagreement and we can't come to a compromise at the time we take a step back and resume once we have calmed down. Our future looks bright and I can't wait to continue this journey called life with him. New life, new me, new name.